Swallowing a Sunflower
~
~
I sat in a boat in the stillest of bays
Becalmed, no breeze and no rocking of waves.
At first it seemed pleasant, this stillness, this calm
But it was a kind of death, a stasis encharm’d
I resolved to jump in, to abandon my place
To sink under the skin the ocean’s cold face
But when I decided, my mind was made clear
There came a wild rumbling, a churning quite near
And out of the sea burst a bright golden light
That lit up the dark waters and illumined the night
The sea it did froth, wakened from a long sleep
As a blazing yellow petal sliced out of the deep
Followed by a dozen more all lined in a crown
My boat tossed about, I thought I might drown
I held on to the sides, and I rode the wild waves
I whooped and I laughed, swirled around in a haze
But when the turbulence settled I goggled on high
There was a great sunflower filling my sky.
Extending ever upwards on stem thick as a tree
Ray floret like sails, centre disc gleam’d darkly
It poured out clean light, and warmed up my soul
It burned out my fears, left me feeling whole
For days I just basked in its radiance, its glow
Feeling no rush, happy taking it slow
But soon I realised that the sunflower was drifting
Slowly out to sea, and the current was lifting
Part of me would quite happily have tried
To follow the sunflower out to the ocean wide
But part of me knew that I wouldn’t survive
The time had come to internalise
The sunflower was outside, was a gift of the sea
How can I take it’s light, it’s warmth, into me?
How could I go on, in the cold, stillness and dark
Knowing sunflowers, like fires, are mine to spark?
I knew what to do, I got out of my boat
And I walked over the water, no need of a float.
I trusted, believed, I knew not to look down
The weight of my faith was what saved me, don’t drown.
I reached the base of the plant towering high
It’s fibrous stem reached from sea-skin to sky
I grabbed onto a hair and started to climb
Onwards and upwards, outside of all time
My body was aching, muscles starting to quiver
Reached the first leaf and paused for a breather
The view from that platform, that leaf over sea
Imparted a fragile but striking clarity
I saw the road I had travelled, meandering wild
With potholes and detours, and the hurts of a child
I saw where I’d come from, the patterns repeated
Through generations, and my ancestors greeted
And I saw the route back, where I needed to go
To care for the harvest of seeds I would sow.
And once more my soft heart was rent with a cry
As I knew soon enough I needs must say goodbye.
But my pain drove me on, and I climbed up and up,
Growing ever brighter t’ward the sunflower’s full cup.
T’was the hardest feat I had ever attempted
Body pleading to pause from this passion redemptive
But onwards and upward I pushed and I harried
Sweating out toxins and poisons long-carried
Until feeling lighter and brighter myself
The climbing turned from burden to bringer of health.
And I arrived at long last, to the top of the stem
Reached out to a petal, as bright as a gem
I stroked it’s soft skin, felt it shiver and quake
A powerful new feeling began to awake
I eased off my top, my kilt off I stripped
Between the petals my body gently slipped
I felt their light kisses, cover all of my skin
Playful nibbles and brushes, power building within
And the sunflower woke to it’s own deep aliveness
With a passion and fervour completely surprised us
The light of the sunflower grew to a pitch
It filled up my head so warm, sleek and rich.
I writhed in the core of the dark centre disc
I swallowed a seed that the flower did risk
And just then my body left conscious control,
Bucking in passionate pleasure, thrash and roll
It slipped off the edge of the flower to fall…
I awoke, spitting water, coughing my lungs
On the cold winter beach, eyes streaming and stung
On the horizon a soft glow, as far over the sea
The sunflower had drifted away now from me.
Would she return to these shores or forever roam?
I resolved to wait and to build a strong home
To care for the land, for the foundations of life
To nest and to nourish, to sooth pain and strife.
And if, IF, my sunflower was never returning
Then the seed planted in me, shall germinate through my yearning
And will fill up the sky with a new golden glow
From the light of which so much fresh life will grow.
With a kiss to the wind that I know will soon land
I let go of the sunflower, on my own feet I stand.
~
Joe Blogs, 2022